Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
