I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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