that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
