I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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