my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
