this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
