Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.

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(917): View more from New York City

you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night

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(415): View more from California

He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.

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(61): View more from Australia

Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

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(970): View more from Colorado

in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

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(210): View more from Texas

im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!

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(607): View more from New York

No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.

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(305): View more from Florida

I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?

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