So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
