So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
