Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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