Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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