wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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