you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
