The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
