Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
