Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
