Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
