It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
