Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize