how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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