Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
