Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
