don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
