Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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