evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
