I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize