you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
