Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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