final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
