i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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