Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
