3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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