I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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