I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
