Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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