Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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