not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
