thus making me awesome and them whores
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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