He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
