I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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