theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
