i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
