may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
