Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize