he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
