I heard we made out
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
