they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
