also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
