Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize