fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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