all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
