I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
