ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
