saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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