I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
