My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
