Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
nutella sex= disaster
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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