I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
