You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
