We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize