halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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