dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize