i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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