we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
