Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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