Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
