so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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