toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
