You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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