I wanna bring you to show and tell
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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