We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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