theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
