i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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