Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
