We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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