I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
